Dream Diary

Throughout my life I have always had very vivid dreams. Often they are very surreal and uneasy, I cannot remember ever really having a "happy " dream. Because my dreams are somewhat strange I often have problems interpreting them. This is part of the purpose of this diary. Many of my friends have online diaries that I read, this is my equivalent. Please email me any comments you might have. Thanks.

-Chloe_Almathea

7/7 Ants. I swear there are ants everywhere in my dreams. They crawl up my body, through my bed, into my clothes. For the last night I keep dreaming that people talk to me and ants come out of their mouths . One girl purposely led the ants into my room at night as I was sleeping because she said they belonged with me. What do ants mean?

5/17 In DC I used to go for walks late at night. At first it was just to get away from my roomate and there wasn't really any other place to go. Somehow listening to the voices of Vincent Cavanagh (Anathema) or Peter Murphy (Bauhaus) soothed me and comforted me, someone understood how I felt. Eventually, I came to love walking at night just for the inherent beauty, the lights down a hill that look like fairy laterns. A gate that is not an entrance to anything but my own imagination and houses with real oil lamps spark my dreams. I returned to my regular walk last night in my sleep. Once again I was walking by myself in the silent night. The water dripped of a bright green tree leaf, made brighter by the streetlights. Just the water coming off of that leaf begins to accumulate at my feet. Up to my ankles, my knees. Soon I begin swimming in the water. A woman descends from the sky, which is now a lot closer. She tells me that I need to find something or someone to look for. Then she pushes me under the water. I fall under trees all backlit and past unhinged gates like Alice fell down the rabbit hole. But only a dry plain lay at the bottom for me, with a starless sky.

5/1 I'm standing in a jungle trying talking to a man. Then slowly vines begin to crawl up legs and arms into my mouth. They travel down my thoat, stuffing my mouth. I have no trouble breathing. "Don't worry about it," the man said, "You can still keep going." So we walk further into the jungle with the vines still around me, silencing me.

4/1 Unfortunatly, this one isn't an April Fool's joke *weak smile.* Imagine standing in a wheat field, the type a technicolor picture would have with golden boughs waving in the wind and a ridiculously blue sky. On the edges are a deep coniferous forest. I've had this dream before, but instead of just a ribbon floating down and me decending into death the sky clouds over and the red ribbon falls down around my neck. It turns into blood. And they say you can't die in dreams ;). I "fall" upwards this time, instead of down into the grey world populated only by stone and faceless bodies. In the clouds are cherry trees, but all the blossoms are red. "You are home now," a woman says as she reaches for my prone body. The blood from neck has died my white dress burgundy and even my hands are beginning to turn red. "We are all like this," the woman says, motioning to her own red hands. The two of us continue to walk into through the clouds into a town. There are villagers everywhere, shopping, haggling, laughing. Every one of them has red hands. A young girl comes up to me and tugs at my skirt, her hand is red, "please, spare some change," she smiles at me. Her teeth are pointed. I nod no and walk away, she chases me down and continues to beg. I tell her I have nothing, but she keeps following me. Finally, I take out one of my eyes and give it to her. She smiles, replaces her own eye and says "soon you will be nothing, like us." The dream progresses and I watch all the people either being forced to give up their own selves or to hunt others down. All as the red cherry blossoms fall.

3/24 About two nights ago I had a dream that I was sitting at a dressing table, very luxurious castle-type dressing table with red velvet drapes and poorly lit. I was looking at myself in the mirror, wearing a white chemise and with my hair down. Ross comes up behind me with scissors and begins to cut off my hair. As I watch him in the mirror I make no motion to stop him. Suddenly, I look like the girl from The Book of Earth, it's from the Dragon Quartet and is the classic medieval girl escapes marriage by recieving a dragon and looking like a boy. Suddenly, I'm in one of the older, metallic NYC subways with the aluminum insides (at least that's what I think it is...). Sometimes, if you're on an express you pass in the middle lane and there are lights on both sides of you, so as you shuttle pass the lights reflect on the inside of the subway and it's absolutly beautiful. You're just surrounded by these shafts of golden light. Anyway, I'm there on the subway, dressed in a shift and leather leggings, but no one seems to care. As soon as I emerge from the light though everything is dark and I begin to panic. Ross appears again behind me with the scissors, this time it's frightening though. Everything just got weird and confusing from there with me running and somehow ending up as the bottom rung in part of an hierarchal society because I can't write well.

3/13 Wow, it really has been awhile. Somehow time has flown so fast recently and I haven't slept long enough to really dream all that much. But, now that it's spring break I've had time to catch up. Here we go: the setting is from The Ends of the Earth by Leonore Fini (I wrote a paper on surrealism recently), basically a red sky with a dark ocean. The woman in the painting calls to me and tells me that I am not be part of the eternal cycle (the painting represents the cycle of life and death, notice the live and dead leaves, the plant growing out of the skeleton, and the skeletons with living eyes). At this point liquid bone shoots out from where the bird skulls are and peirce my throat. No blood comes out of my body. "See you are empty," the woman says. I scream, grab the woman and rip into her skin with my nails. Somehow I hit an artery and her blood gushes into me. Her blood flows down my throat, part of it running over the bone tusks in my throat and down to the skeletons, they begin to scream. I tear at the tusks, finally breaking them. "See, I am alive, now I am you!" and I fall into the water still clutching the woman's body. The two of us continue to fall in the blue darkness, skeletal birds swimming past us. There is no where else to go though, except down. I think it's odd though that the dream should be about emptiness and feeling inhuman. Recently, other than very stressed about midterms, I have been fairly happy and actually felt accepted for one of the very few times in my life. I've made a lot of new friends who genuinely seem to like me. So why did I have this dream now? What else do you think it means? Someone, please respond. Thanks.

2/3I actually had this dream about two or three nights ago. There were three people with tusks on the side of their faces in a crumbling house with me. Everything has that red shene that badly taped television shows from the early 90s have wher it looks like all they used were red gels. The people try to talk to me, but of course I can't understand a word they're saying. I'm trying to cook something for all of us and it's imperative that I do it right or else they're going to hurt me. Finally, I'm done and I get to go to sleep in a little corner in the room. Later, I wake up to the sound of breaking glass and I peer out my door. The monsters are attacking each other with broken glass bottles. But, then they see me and come after me with the bottles, trying to cut me. One does and it slices around my arm. I scream, but instead of sound blood comes out of my mouth and it streams off of my arms too, like the chinese red ribbons that twirl. In a twisted way it was almost beautiful.

1/16I have a butterfly mask, it's made of golden and sky blue sparkles. In my dream, the mask became a part of my face and I wore a dark blue ballgown. I was at a ball in an old gothic church. Instead of walls though the church had huge stained glass windows depicting people killing each other or in various states of death. One window depicted a woman I know who is dying of cancer with a golden halo, she was in the spot normally reserved for god, or some important saint at the top. My partners kept shapeshifting as we danced so I could never really tell who it was. I was trying to dance my way over to the window so I could see her window better, but because the dance had formal movements I could never get close to it. Instead, the dancers pushed me out a door and into a hallway. Grotesques stared at me and began to shriek. I fell down into the earth and then resurfaced in the garden, mud covered my body. I could feel it cracking in the cold air as it dried, but my mask was untouched. In the distance I could see a stone tower, but an iron fence prevented me from leaving the garden. I tried climbing the fence and the spikes dug into my skin until I bled. Then the woman from the window came down and told me that "I was not meant to fly" and she sent me back into the earth.

1/7/2002 Last night I had the same dream as I did partially on New Year's Eve. I was at the party wearing my lovely black pants, black twinkly shirt, and dog collar, dancing with my friends. Then one of these friends kisses me (yeah you all know who it was) and suddenly Belle's gold dress from Beauty and the Beast is superimposed over my outfit. Everyone now sees me as Belle, at first it's really nice because I'm beautiful and people treat me with more respect etc., but I feel cut off. Only I can see my real clothes and face under the mask. Finally, I go to the bathroom and begin to throw up. The dress and make-up flows out of my mouth and into the toilet. I flush and I have once again become the corpse. But somehow, this is better than being Belle.

A Guest Dream from my dear friend Maddie I'm on the part of the NJ Turnpike that is all polluted marsh and traffic, on the grass, a bunch of void-sucking shadows are chasing after me. My friends have already gotten into their cars and have driven away. A car that looks just like the Night Rider car is in a ditch, I'm thinking, All Right!! Except the key is in the grass and the keychain is a big hunk of rotting meat. So I'm sitting in the car with trying to get the meat off of the keychain when the shadows start poking their... shadow stuff through the windows and I'm like, sh!t I have to go. So I take off with the keychain stuck on it and not only do I have evil demons chasing after me but the car smells very, very bad. Bleah.

12/31/2001 For almost six months, two years ago every dream I had started with me sitting next to a decaying corpse on hill. Every night I would point up at a cloud in the sky and say, "that looks like Smog" (the dragon from The Hobbit) and I would turn around and see the corpse. After that the dream would change, sometimes I would talk to the corpse, though it never responded, and sometimes it would simply flow into the next dream. The corpse rotted away a little bit more every night until I could smell it and see its body loose a little but more skin.

Last night I dreamed that I was that corpse, except I was still alive. I could see my skin rotting off of my bones, I could smell my sickly sweet odor. But, it didn't hurt when my hand fell off or my tongue turned black and hung out of my skull.